Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late…he's stopped half an hour ago

@Kalarlis: When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact

@animaldrumss: son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it

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@fro_vo: "Does your dad play any sports?" "No, my dad hates sports" *dad walks in* "Hey there, Sport"

@SortaBad: I need better friends

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@dshack8: First Rule of Parent Club: If your kid gets their head stuck in something, make sure you get your camera before you help them get it out.

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