@Beerhaze: Neighbour mowed his lawn at 6am... Logic dictates that I should get drunk in the backyard tonight and try to learn to play the didgeridoo.
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@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@CornOnTheGoblin: "Son, do you know why we named you Easter Bunny?" *sigh* "Because you don't b-" "BECAUSE WE DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU"
@thatdutchperson: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes