@anthonyzach: Neighbours described the United Kingdom as a "quiet, well-mannered country" that "kept itself to itself".
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@FunnyMojoJojo: I went to bed last night and my brother came out of the closet and scared the shit out of me, I forgot we were playing hide and seek...
@Brianhopecomedy: They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too.
@trojansauce: [about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair