@bazecraze: Neil Patrick Harris couldn't host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys
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@darkmatter_wimp: Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!" God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me." Satan: "Dude..."
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls like guys who takes control. Pick up a horse and ask "Where should I put this horse?" When she tells you, say no
@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]