@AlanHungover: *Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*
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@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
@gorrdano: Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it.
@Supafunkadunka: Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.