@StephenAtHome: Netflix is raising its monthly rates?! Man, whoever's password I'm using has got to be pissed.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: I ran into Bill on the ride home. Wife: How's he doing? Me: 3 cracked ribs, a broken hip & a collapsed lung.
@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] What's ur greatest strength? "I wear too much cologne" No, I mean- "A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator"
@Playing_Dad: Me: But I'm sweaty, I'm anxious, my heart rate is up Doctor: This is the 3rd visit I've had to tell you I can't treat being offended online