@_wendyb07: Never feel more attractive than when my picture of cornbread gets almost as many likes as my selfie. "She's ok, but she's no cornbread."
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@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
@Cheeseboy22: I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, "WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?" and I say, "Sorry, last one!" and then eat it.
@jazmasta: Just been doing some DIY using my stepladder. Not my real ladder. I never knew my real ladder.