@_wendyb07: Never feel more attractive than when my picture of cornbread gets almost as many likes as my selfie. "She's ok, but she's no cornbread."
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@breatheandlove: If you're using YOLO to justify doing something stupid, remember you only DIE once too. Inspirational tweet.
@JasonLastname: Password insecurity questions: 1. What was your highschool nickname? 2. How would you describe your breath? 3. What's wrong with your toes?
@rockymomax: [baby finally falls asleep] ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax DOG: I'M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON
@CornOnTheGoblin: "You promise you didn't get me bees again" [me from a distance] just open it