@MandiAtRandom: "Never go to bed angry" is some solid advice if you want to stay up until 3am fighting
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@Ideal_Victoria: Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.
@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
@Cheeseboy22: My driver's license says I'm an organ donor but jokes on them because I have a piano.