@MandiAtRandom: "Never go to bed angry" is some solid advice if you want to stay up until 3am fighting
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@Tommytoughstuff: "How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."
@__candypants: If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.
@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
@Playing_Dad: "POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP." Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. "Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."