@DarlingNikki_12: Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first.
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@OleThickHawk: My wife came into my room at the ER and started unplugging stuff and flipping switches until she realized that I had just sprained my ankle.
@JDBBourg: Doctor: You can only have clear liquids after midnight Me: Sure no problem Doctor: Not white wine Me:
@Leslie_Annie: My 4 yr old came in my room last night at 3am. I asked him what was wrong and he said "how many eyebrows do I have?"
@hippieswordfish: before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war