@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
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@AnniemuMary: My grocery store changed its whole layout. It was better the other way so I'm slowly and quietly moving everything back.
@DiamondLou69: Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH