@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
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@jordan_stratton: [boss finds pics of me snowboarding] "You missed work bc you said you were sick...& judging from these pics, YOU WERENT LYING" *fist bump*
@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
@Shock_Monster: How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire.