@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
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@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.
@putyoursisterd1: Me in HR: I wasn't trying to be condescending... It's just that the boss didn't understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.
@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
@xLiserx: My adult coloring book is filled with pictures of people paying bills, washing dishes, & tugging at their belly fat in front of the mirror.