@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
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@SardonicTart: How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start? According to my neighbor it's 458 times.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Oh, we're going for a 30 second car ride? OK, let me gather all of my worldly possessions and get a little naked." - my 2 year old
@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."