@IGotsSmarts: Never mess with a drunken pig.
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@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Police sketch artist job interview] "How am I not qualified?" Your resume is a stick figure and a poorly drawn igloo "It's a cat actually"
@Jack_Wagon1: Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing.
@BryMastas: Life's most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.