@mikeleffingwell: When people argue about sports and one says "Care to make it interesting" I assume they're going to start talking about something else.

@SardonicTart: I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.

@TeaPartyCat: Duck Dynasty guy is right-- if we baptize all those ISIS guys, Iraq will be safe because Christians never start wars for bullshit reasons.

@ConcernedSirGuy: Me: Shout out to all my homies! Homies: Stop shouting at us.

@Parkerlawyer: I told my 8 year old son, “There’s something so special about you. Since you’re my last baby, you will always be mommy’s baby to me.” To which he replied, “God I hope so. Aren’t you pushing 50?”