@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.
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@amishschool: Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.
@rolldiggity: 1. Put "Out of Order" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, "Stairs can't be out of order!" and uses them. 3. Release the bees.
@haleysfalling: cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say "asterisk vaults ov