@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.
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@cluedont: If I was Phil Collins I'd rub my belly after every meal and say 'I'm Full Collins', then insist everyone either laughed or left my house.
@davidkenny100: About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes
@SortaBad: Superman: I'm faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive- Batman: I fight a penguin and this really persistent clown
@SkinnerSteven: HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"