@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.
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@lilgapeach30: Ate reduced fat cheese on low calorie bread and my taste buds had me indicted for hate crimes.
@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to sneak to the fridge for a late night snack* Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE