@GregDunbar1: Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I just love a man who's not afraid to be honest. ME: *trying to impress* You sound really stupid right now.
@MollySneed: [puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]
@NicestHippo: WIFE: I can't take it anymore. Your incorrect use of idioms is tearing us apart! ME [taking her hand]: Cat got your tongue?