@zachheltzel: Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.
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@david8hughes: [leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting] I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.
@internetluke: [police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife] "Why no pants on?" We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell
@dave_cactus: ME: *robbing bank* More like, I'm BANKing on you not tripping the alarm! Haha! TELLER: Haha! COPS: *tackling me from behind* Haha!
@Sassafrantz: Some guy just asked if I was Asian cuz he's China get in my pants. Hope your day is as magical as mine.