@zachheltzel: Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.
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@AristotlesNZ: Whenever I'm picking up my wife I skid to a stop by her & yell "Come with me if you want to live!" so she knows she married pure awesomeness
@Brianhopecomedy: My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I'm not buying it as I don't think she can even say, "Please kick me in the face".
@space0tter: *Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING
@MissWont: It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones.