@baeblacksheep: Never trust a fortune teller buying more than 1 lottery ticket.
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@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me every place I go I have no money
@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.
@Zombie_Kit: Isn't Megan Fox a little old to be hanging out with the TEENAGE mutant ninja turtles?