@baeblacksheep: Never trust a fortune teller buying more than 1 lottery ticket.
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@blade_funner: ME: *slamming desk with fist* You'll put this up over my dead body! FUNERAL DIRECTOR: It's a lovely headstone. ME: It really is.
@VeryGrumpyCat: I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.