@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me every place I go I have no money

@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.

@Zombie_Kit: Isn't Megan Fox a little old to be hanging out with the TEENAGE mutant ninja turtles?

@envydatropic: 99 bottles of beer on the wall? Challenge accepted

@RefractReality: In terms of spelling difficulty, I think the word "average" is between easy and hard.