@DaddyJew: Never trust a vegetarian who eats animal crackers
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@decentbirthday: Bowser: Honey, the toilet's clogged Wife: Call someone to fix it Bowser: *dialing number* Well this is gonna be awkward
@TheBoydP: Ever smell a permanent marker and accidently color the tip of your nose black? Related: They’re called permanent markers for a reason.
@aveuaskew: If you speak like Fat Albert throughout the entire exam, doctors will prescribe whatever you want.
@Storminika: I hate it when guys use pickup lines like, 'Hey, what's your friend's name?' on me. Worst pickup line ever.