@Hello_Bella: Never underestimate a woman sitting quietly in a corner sharpening a knife.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: ZZ TOP: SHE'S GOT LEGS ME: *imagining a woman with legs* nice ZZ TOP: SHE KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM ME: *imagining a woman walking* NICE
@WolfpackAlan: If I had a twin that was like 5 mins younger than me I would always say 'when I was your age' and proceed to tell them what I did 5 mins ago
@SondraDeeMe: [at family gathering] Me: *shoving jumbo shrimp in my mouth* Mom: Where are your manners? Me: *points over at sister* She has them.
@greenteam15: My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history