@PaperWash: New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years
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@mrtruthandsoul: An atheist, a vegan, a libertarian, and a BMW owner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone in the bar within 2 minutes.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@AtticusFinch79: I'm so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I'd assume it was because I spilled something on it