@BadLuckBrian_18: New Year's resolution is to stop drinking. Dies of thirst.
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@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us* Hi I'd like to buy a baby. "Sir we don't-" *I slide him a 100 dollar bill* "This way please."
@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations
@StarWarsProblms: Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor? Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears. Emperor: That sounds plausible.
@TheAlexP: 9 out of 10 therapist agree to just be yourself The other one realizes that's what got you into this shit in the first place.