@TheMichaelRock: News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!
@Phook75: I've spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife's shirt to actually stay on this hanger
@mzeld: The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.