@TheMichaelRock: News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though.
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@EliTerry: Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life.
@Blonde4Dayz: The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made.
@SatansTongue: *Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!