@TheAlexNevil: Newton taught us that a body at rest will remain at rest, a body in motion will remain in motion, and that figs taste good in cookies.
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@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."
@OrignalceQueen: *Pops up from the backseat as you're driving* *Duct tapes your neck to the head rest* Now, why are you telling people I'm crazy?!!
@daemonic3: [robbing Whole Foods] "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok? "Yes!" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag