@JCWisdomNuggets: Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
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@Reverend_Scott: *bark* "What's that Lassie?" *bark bark* "Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?" *bark* "Ooh, dinnertime."
@WheelTod: [Office] *Dolphin accidentally dials fax number Fax:EEphkEekakischchEEek Dolphin:Well, I don't normally do this. But yes I'm free tonight
@AmishPornStar1: Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
@AndyAsAdjective: *personally visits the 7 friends who continually trap me in a rather chatty text message group & punches each of them in the face*