@JCWisdomNuggets: Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: [Farmer's market] Me: One of your finest farmers plz Farmer: That's not how this works Me: Ok just give me some seeds & I'll grow my own
@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.
@bashfulcoward: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?