@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Get out, this is the ladies room! Me: Oh please, If I paid attention to every sign with a picture on it I'd never get a parking place.
@TheTweetOfGod: If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.