@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
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@garrydavenport: "It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything" - cats
@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time
@DepecheALAmode: Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!