@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
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@The_Mentalyst: *Meanwhile at a restaurant* Waiter: Welcome sir, would you like a table? Me: So kind of you, I wouldn't mind. *Picks table and walks out*
@carlyken: [lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game "Your honor. Upsexy." Judge: what's upsexy? "that's harassment. move to change venues"
@7_Cents: Vin Diesel: Is it fast? Car Salesman: Yes, sir. It is very fast. Vin Diesel: Oh yeah? *leans in close* Is it furious?