@Thynebear: Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
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@lionprincessval: I can't come into work today *cough* I'm really sick. "Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?" *hangs up*
@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@TwinSurvivalist: If I hear a bump in the night, I'm hoping my kids investigate and annoy any potential intruder until he leaves.
@AndrewChamings: [having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho