@BooFricketyHoo: Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.
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@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.