@EndhooS: "Nice" - first kangaroo to realise it had a pocket
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@DaddyJew: Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant
@chadchaines: "I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house." -Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning
@NotARatsAss: My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!"