@EndhooS: "Nice" - first kangaroo to realise it had a pocket
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I know you're not supposed to question doctors, but it's weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it's yours.
@sweetandweak: Daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.
@huntigula: her: the manager of the McDonalds down the street called today... him: [sitting on couch next to Ronald McDonald statue] Did he sound mad?