@McNevich: Nice try, people that invite me to things that aren't in my house
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@SadieSmithRoks: Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it.
@thestlouisan: [Health fair] "Would you like a free diabetes cookbook?" Me [leaning in close]: Why would I ever want to cook diabetes?
@KalvinMacleod: [at job interview] It says here that you are very hands on. Yes, sir, I am. Can you give me an example of this? *gently caresses his face*