@heatherlou_: Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either.
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@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@joejwest: ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I'll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won't
@petemandik: Pretty insulting when you wake up in a bathtub of ice and they left all your organs.
@themiltron: [first day as a server] me: how would u like your steak person: well done me: thank you that's so kind it's my first day & i'm very nervous