@Twitmytweeties: 1) Lick tip. 2) Stick it in gently. 3) Pump 12-20 times. 4) Sweat profusely. 5) Pull out gently. -Instructions on inflating a basketball.

@just1fool: Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess.

@1Happytwit: I don't know why they invite me to an Easter egg hunt, then freak out when I turn up in camo gear with my rifle.

@BellaBurnley: My ex bf called me today. I answered by screaming "HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!?!" and hung up. Should make him wonder a lil bit.

@TheNewsAtGlenn: Who blons a dumb de now, eh? WHO BLONS A DUMB DE NOW?