@hippieswordfish: nice try walmart, like im gonna spend $20 on a skeleton mask when i could easily just peel the flesh and muscle off my face for free
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@ClichedOut: [HIGH SCHOOL] teacher: you'll use calculus one day [AGE 40] me: *standing on textbook to get twinkies from high shelf* whoa how did she know
@blade_funner: Got kicked off the police force for saying "Ooooooo, somebody's in trouble" every time I made an arrest.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "Jesus, please make me a better person..." Jesus: *deletes my account* Me: "NOT LIKE THAT!"
@Black__Elvis: Damn, baby got back. And front. And sides. Baby three-dimensional. This is a real baby.