@relatabledad: no actually it's called an "african-american" eye, bud. and i got it cause someone beat the crap out of me for being too politically correct
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@beefman138: Historian : Rome wasn't built in a day. Me : [Trying to impress the girls] He's right, you know, it was built in Italy.
@jordan_stratton: You're not impressing anyone, server who didn't write down our orders. You're just making us anxious.
@TheHyyyype: HILLARY: i'm sick and tired of these baseless accusations THE MEDIA: aha! you see?! she admits it! not only is she sick, she's also tired!