@Donna_McCoy: No honey, there isn't a neighbor working with a nail gun this early. That was just my knees creaking when I got out of bed.
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@jordan_stratton: [Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants.
@WheelTod: Cinderella is the creepiest fairytale when you wonder what crazy foot deformity she has that her shoes won't fit anyone else in the kingdom.
@Spaziotwat: [Creation] God: *creates the crab Crab: "wtf?" God:"You're a crab" Crab:"wtf?" God:"Now go forth" Crab: *walks sideways "WTAF?!"