@danjan13: No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_ElvishPresley_: Fact if it's mother is trapped under a car, baby adrenaline gives a baby the super strength of eight babies. But that's not enough babies!
@robfee: Lois Lane unexpectedly comes to visit Clark Kent but he can't find his glasses so he has to stick his face in a pie like Mrs. Doubtfire.
@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.
@pixelatedboat: *reading news story about how great some guy is* wow this guy sounds great *reading further* oh no, he’s a bomber and he’s dead