@ninjadinosaur1: No, I don't want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off.
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@warmyellowlight: me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test* cashier: would u like a bag
@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.
@WilliamAder: My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.
@senorwinces: Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.