@ThePocketJustin: No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DirtMcTurd: [Giraffes at gym] "What do you want to work on today?" Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet
@AddledPixie: Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this.
@AddledPixie: I've trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they're just shitting everywhere.