@RocketRankoon: No mister movie ticket guy that's not a bag of cheetos in my jacket that's my enlarged heart for the love of cinema
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@JustDontBugMe: [During an ultrasound scan] Doctor:The baby looks fine. Mom:See? that's your baby sister in there! 3:What??Mom, why did you eat the baby?
@Abusitron: Waitress: "Enjoy your meal" Patron: "you too" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]
@TheBoydP: I was shocked as an adult to learn that the crisscross pattern made with a fork on a peanut butter cookie was not a family secret.
@Brentweets: CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.