@msdanifernandez: No mom, I can't date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well...*whispers* he got Daredevil.
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@SteveSuckington: [quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]
@rolldiggity: INTERVIEWER: "How would you describe yourself?" ME: "Verbally, but I've also prepared a dance."
@SortaBad: "I have a coupon for a large 2 topping" "What toppings?" "Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza" "Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"