@Jake_Vig: No, no, no, you don't have to engage in a long explanation of why you're single. We've spent five minutes together, I think I've got it.
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@Still_Khaleesi: It's so annoying when you've already planned out a convo in your head and the other person doesn't follow the script. Learn your script! 😫
@kelkulus: Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.
@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.
@LunchJournals: "I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."