@StarrsWar: No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex.
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@_SingleBabyMama: A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps
@gtfml: Never ask me "Who hurt you?" unless you want to sit through a 13 hour PowerPoint presentation.