@StarrsWar: No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex.
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@WheelTod: Will I understand The Matrix if I haven’t seen The Matrviii? Will I understand sex if I’ve never had seix?
@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.
@madeleinedoux: Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID
@KalvinMacleod: [speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*