@KentWGraham: No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
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@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
@El_nacho_Nigre: I feel so alive when I watch an object fall and shatter into hundreds of pieces. Not alive enough to clean up the mess though.
@jokeymcjokeface: Crime would drop to 0% if police uniforms were scary clown costumes. "Put your hands up and state your favorite balloon animal!"
@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.