@KentWGraham: No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
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@QwertyJones3: Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church? "No thanks." Don't judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects... "WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"
@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.
@pharmasean: “Say ur a bad girl” I’m a bad girl “oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do…” ooh i’m gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice
@jakob_huber: Wonder which part of Batman's belt holds the bat-shaped throat lozenges he uses after speaking in his tough voice for long periods of time.