@KentWGraham: No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”
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@garrydavenport: One of my "100 things to do before you die" would definitely be "call an ambulance".
@dreamthievin: One time I swallowed an entire box of Alphabits whole and the only thing I pooped out was the lyrics to a Nicki Minaj song
@XplodingUnicorn: How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
@Kid_topher: "Ride or die" seems a bit dramatic. I'm looking for a "ride or maybe go our separate ways if things aren't working out."