@dshack8: No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes.
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@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
@dreamthievin: Give me a break, ouija board. I don't need to know who was killed in this house. Just tell me how the murderer got away with it.
@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader" "No" "What" "Look we've made some mistakes" "Just take..." "It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"
@Donna_McCoy: Got a booty text from my ex-husband so I did the logical thing and forwarded it to his new girlfriend.