@dshack8: No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes.
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@TheMichaelRock: The best part about being a grown-up is not having to answer to ANYONE! (What's that, honey? Be right there.)
@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
@BuckyIsotope: Everyone dies of *something*. For example, this man is about to die from buying the last box of Thin Mints in front of me in the cookie line
@Schmoodles: I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and my heart started going really fast, so I'm counting it as an hour at the gym.