@dshack8: No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes.
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@BeardedRambles: Waiter: Ready to order? Me: Yes, what goes well with an overbearing sis-in-law with delusions of grandeur? W: ... M: ... W: ... M: Whiskey.
@BuckyIsotope: Black rotten roses & run over kittens Teeth falling out & a test is unwritten Naked in public becoming a meme Theseareafewofmyterribledreams
@hiitsgabrielle: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout.
@phalguy: My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys.