@dshack8: No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes.
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@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@sabre_squirrel: *saves dandruff for 7 years to throw as confetti at friends wedding that i never really liked*
@ScienceMarchDC: People are asking if capes are welcome at #ScienceMarch - yes - but please think of the aerodynamics if it happens to be windy!