@shariv67: No one is reading any of these tweets. Feel free to unburden yourself. I murdered a drifter once. Wow. That feels great. Now you.
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@polyxendi: A little lizard jumped on me and - to my surprise - my scream was manlier than I thought it'd be.
@jdforshort: College guy: How do you like it? Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt ~Get outta the gutter pervs
@ilovepie84: When I play rock paper scissors I always pick Rock because Dwayne Johnson shows up and punches my opponent.
@ReeseButCallMeV: Boss: How come I don't see you doing any work? Me: Because you have no imagination!