@omgthatspunny: No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.
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@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
@ClaytonSykes: Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.
@EmilyFreestone1: *boyfriend and girlfriend in shower* Girl: do bad things to me babe Boy: *flicks shampoo in her eyes and trips her over*
@weismanjake: I wonder if celebrity couples have a list of 5 average citizens each of them are allowed to sleep with if they ever get the chance