@Phook75: No one’s laugh sounds like “bwahahaha.” NO one.
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@jessokfine: Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.
@hippieswordfish: *swallows pride* *reads the label* 'this pride may contain nuts* oh no *swells with pride*
@JiminyKicksIt: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this.