@ashmensch: No pants were worn during the making of this tweet.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Finding out how big of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan I truly am was understandably pretty tough for my daughters, Raphael & Leonardo.
@Laser_Cat: Look, I'm not saying he's a bad dentist. I'm just saying maybe you should check his references.
@AimeeHelene1: Would I miss my leg or my arm more? (me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)
@longwall26: One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said "death or becoming a pirate king" and he threw my cat Alan at me