@FakeWhimsy: No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date.
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@dyldonot: [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows
@daemonic3: Joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. :(
@neiltyson: There’s just no way around this one: YOU MATTER, unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then YOU ENERGY.
@philyuck: Hi I'm here for my vasectomy. "Would you like that toasted?" What? "Haha whoops sorry, just came from my other job. Ok let's do this."