@FakeWhimsy: No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date.
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@OfficialMizGin: Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day. Me: How many more until you get a personality?
@robfee: Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [housefly pilot training] Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do? X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness? I: Repeatedly! Good.
@Roweboat13G: For a good party trick, drill a hole in the top of your medicine cabinet and fill it with marbles before you invite people over.