@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
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@SatansTongue: Horton hears a who Horton hears a what Horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady Horton is listening to Eminem
@FrogAvalanche: Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-
@jake_likes_naps: DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
@panmidwest: GOD: no work on the sabbath or I'll kill you ISRAEL [hasn't had a day off in 400 years]: awesome! GOD: what ISRAEL: we mean…oh no so hard