@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
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@robfee: Wow, 5 years ago we had Steve Jobs and Neil Armstrong. Now we have no jobs and no arms.
@david8hughes: [batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago] "Useless piece of shit."
@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
@Danny_McH2O: I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit.