@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
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@ChaseMit: "We're not so different, you and I," Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
@pharmasean: DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg
@LostFelicia: My daughter reminded me that being older doesn't mean I'm always right. Sometimes, I've just been wrong for longer.