@LurkAtHomeMom: No sweetie, you can't have your giant chocolate bunny for breakfast, that's not healthy and also mommy ate it for dinner last night.
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@SirEviscerate: How to lose 12 lbs in 7 agonizing seconds: Step 1: Make sure the wood chipper is all gassed up.
@simoncholland: Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.
@AndyAsAdjective: I scream "You haven't seen the last of me!" & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away. The pharmacist smiles kindly.