@That_Damn_Duck: No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
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@just1fool: My aunt called me a basket case so I swallowed all of her decorative, weaved pieces of art that hold things to show her.
@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
@Twtercide: I will not think of sex at church I will not think of sex at church I will not. Priest: Which leads us to his Second Coming Me: Goddammit!
@DeathStarPR: Stormtroopers never miss. They're just trained to fire a 21 shot salute to celebrate the commencement of every firefight.