@That_Damn_Duck: No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
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@KyleMcDowell86: *pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP
@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.