@Hadzilla: No thanks farting robot on the wall I'll use the paper towels to dry my hands nice try though
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@upsidedowntrash: [God creating lizards] God: How about a snake with arms and legs? Snake: [trys to throw its arms up in disgust, but just remains very still]
@ericsshadow: If your phone fell in a toilet, you would... 1995: ...leave it, toilets are gross Today: [wrist-deep in urine] BRING ME A BOWL OF RICE NOW
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..
@Dawn_M_: [drive thru] I just really need to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and you're the only one awake.