@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.
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@RickAaron: I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don't have any laser hair.
@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I'm not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
@Dawn_M_: I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses.
@RowdyBowden: "Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!" - The Very Civil War